


Sustenance

by VincentsEyebrows



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Famine - Freeform, Kenny isn’t a complete ass, M/M, Mention of Prostitution (Kuchel), Mild Hurt/Comfort, Starvation, physical injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 07:53:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28347951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VincentsEyebrows/pseuds/VincentsEyebrows
Summary: The food shortage after a catastrophic winter and the loss of wall Maria served as a great reminder that humanity couldn’t survive within the vicinity of Shina and Rose. The price of earth produce reached all time new highs and meat was practically a meal for the king’s court, with so much of the livestock perishing due to the lack of food.Levi stared hard at the plate in front of him, half full with a mixture of boiled vegetables and a single slice of bread. “What a shitshow.”
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	Sustenance

The food shortage after a catastrophic winter and the loss of wall Maria served as a great reminder that humanity couldn’t survive within the vicinity of Shina and Rose. The price of earth produce reached all time new highs and meat was practically a meal for the king’s court, with so much of the livestock perishing due to the lack of food. Everyone was agitated the first two weeks, but gradually, they got used to yet another misfortune. 

Levi stared hard at the plate in front of him, half full with a mixture of boiled vegetables and a single slice of bread. “What a shitshow.” He grumbled, picking around the plate with his fork to spread it out and fool himself into thinking it was a bigger portion. Erwin stared right ahead next to him, plate untouched. “Oi, shithead.” He kicked his commander’s ankle under the table, relishing in the man’s startled face. “Eat it. Soldiers will be discouraged if we don’t.”

With that, they both started eating the bland food covered in watery tomato sauce. There was hardly any oil in it or anything of real sustenance. Levi opted for the bread. 

It had already been two months of this and everyone seemed to be wrapping their heads around the concept of small meals. Levi’s fears of weakened soldiers were soon chased away. Sure, they seemed to have dropped a bit of weight, but their performance remained relatively standard. Most of them, anyways. 

He had noticed it in Ackerman, well, Mikasa, and himself too. Their cheeks looked sunken, their eyes lined with marks of tiredness. Neither of them said a thing about it. Having become somewhat of sparring partners, for the lack of anyone stronger than the two of them, their training grew all the more strained. Both of them would end up on the ground, panting heavily and sweating profoundly. They had to drink their weight in water in order to stop feeling lightheaded. 

Neither of them pointed it out, too afraid to admit a weakness within themselves. That was until Levi’s nose begun to bleed profusely while the entire team had taken to filling in reports and Ackerman pointed it out. The team had turned their heads towards him, just in time to see him covering his face to avoid staining the paper sheets. Armin had offered him a napkin, which he had to fetch more of, because it wouldn’t stop for a few minutes. “Back to work.” He instructed, coolly, and everyone nodded reluctantly, Eren stealing the occasional glance at him. 

By sheer power of observation, Levi figured out that while the Ackerman blood kept him protected during times of prosperity, it had widely betrayed him now. It needed more food for sustenance, food that was scarce into their already starving army. Erwin had been the second one to notice and figure it out.

Levi was carrying a stack of papers to his office, late in the night, so he didn’t bother knocking. Erwin would either be asleep, face down and drooling all over his desk like an idiot, or completely alone, with no company that would require their pretence. Truly enough, their commander was sat in his big chair, chin propped into his palm and tiredly going through a passage. 

“Erwin.” He closed the door with the heel of his foot. “Your shitty reports from team Levi.” He dumped everything on the desk with a small thud, earning himself a stern look. 

“Thank you, Levi.” He crossed his hands on top of the desk. “Is your bleeding nose incident in these?” 

Levi clicked his tongue. “Fuck you.” He was tired. He was still dressed in their training uniform, while that bastard sat in his nice chair, in his button up and cotton trousers. Wordlessly, he rounded the large desk and Erwin pushed his chair back. Levi sat on his lap unceremoniously, too tired for words, only craving the feeling of those warm hands caressing down the bumps of his spine. They didn’t keep him waiting, that was for certain, accompanied by soft lips against his temple. 

“Levi, I can give a private order for an extra meal for you.” Erwin tried, letting his thumb caress his lover’s protruding cheekbone. His tired eyes cut like knives. 

“No.” Levi pressed his face into his commander’s neck. “You know that with our supplies, I’d be stealing it from someone else.” 

“You look ill.” Erwin argued again, hands stilling on Levi’s back. 

“End of discussion.” Irritated and cornered, he made to leave. Erwin grabbed his wrists and pulled him back down. 

“You’ve always been so stubborn.” Erwin’s hands found the buckle of the leather straps on Levi’s chest, where he undid them with swift touches, watching him sigh pleasantly at the loss of pressure. He resumed with the buckles on his waist, then thighs, until every strap was lax and comfortable. “You changed this.” He run an inquisitive thumb across brown leather. “A female one, I suspect?” 

“Yeah.” Levi shrugged the garment off and stood for a moment to remove it from his body. He let it rest on top of the mahogany desk. “It’s just my old one.” He reached for Erwin’s shoulders, where he let his hands rest and slowly rolled his head back, the commander’s hands hanging from his hips. “Stop looking at me so worriedly.” 

Erwin rubbed small circles into his Levi’s hipbones with his thumbs. “In my place, wouldn’t you worry?” 

“I guess.” He let his hand slide up blonde strands, messing their perfect styling with no remorse. “You’re a whole giant. Your shitty shoulders made it so hard sharing a single bed for the longest of time.” 

“My body isn’t eating me up from the inside.” Erwin corrected and pressed a long kiss on Levi’s clothed stomach. 

“Your stress is.” The younger pointed out, thumb massaging the crease between Erwin’s bushy brows. “Relax. You’re frowning again.” 

As if on cue, the commander’s face softened and so did Levi’s, lips turning into a weak smile. “I’ve had a long day. How about bedtime?” 

“I got my ass kicked by Ackermann, tell me about rough days.” Levi clicked his tongue, a bitter taste in his mouth. 

“How is she?” Erwin stood after Levi, his hand coming to a rest on one bony shoulder as they made for the door, brown harness draped over the other. 

Levi shrugged. “Shit.” He pulled the door shut behind him and headed for Erwin’s room. “Looks like we are on the same boat.” When they took the last turn to the corridor where his door was, the commander let his hand drop lower, to hang from his lover’s waist. He fished a key out of his pocket and unlocked the room, letting Levi go in first. They took their shoes off by the door, Levi carefully lining them up by the wall, then proceeded to fold his harness on top of Erwin’s desk. “We need a plan, Erwin.” 

“All we can do is try to retake Maria.” He pressed a long kiss to the back of Levi’s head, to his freshly trimmed undercut. “It’s in the works.” 

“You’re always cooking something up.” He whispered, letting his head roll to the side as gentle lips begun to caress his ear. “Hey, fucker.” His complaint came up half hearted. “I want to shower.” 

“In a bit.” Erwin insisted, wrapping his arms around his torso for good measure. Levi placed his hands on the back of Erwin’s desk chair for support as the older pressed up against his back, scorching hot, wide shoulders. He reached back to squeeze Erwin’s strong thigh, head swimming with the smell of soap and hair product. 

“I’m not gonna fuck you here again, you work freak.” Erwin’s booming laughter filled his ears and he couldn’t help his smile. He straightened his back and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck. “Plus,” he leaned his head back to try and get a good look at those ocean eyes. “If you want a desk fuck, we have your real office.” 

“Go shower.” He pressed a quick kiss against Levi’s sunken cheek and slowly pulled himself away. 

***

“Remember, this is a scouting expedition. We are trying to move off the radar, locate areas with high titan population and report. It’s crucial for the construction of our definitive plan. Levi and Mike are with me. Mikasa, Armin and Eren go with Hanji. If you fall into trouble abandon the mission. We are not here to engage in combat.” 

Levi clicked his tongue. There was no way they would be able to avoid combat. They rode out, trodding into the vast territory of wall Maria while another team set out a small camp near wall Rose. “Erwin, let’s move to the woods.” 

Erwin gave him a quick nod and they all leaned towards the densely packed woods on their left. They slowed down in speed, safe and partially obscured by the helpful presence of tall branches. They made a clear opening to the other end without any incidents, Mike having not mentioned anything about any approaching titans. Just like in the plan, they were to meet with the other group just a couple of kilometres after the forest. 

That was until after they heard a strong thud, the alert faster than Mike’s scream of warning. Levi clutched the reins harder and leaned forward, the entire squad speeding up. “We need to take him out, Erwin. We’ll just lead him to the others like this.” 

“We would need to dip back into the woods for that. Our chances in the opening are better in greater numbers. Keep your post.” Erwin regarded him with a stern look and Levi glared openly. 

“He’s an 8 metre class.” Mike yelled from the left and Erwin’s brows furrowed. Levi’s eyes went wide when the titan sped up, closing in on Mike from the side. Without much thought, he stood on his horse and drew his swords, clicking the button that activated his ODM gear. He heard Erwin’s yell in the distance as he jumped, the hooks of his gear deeply buried in the flesh of the titan’s arms. The sound of metallic strings filled his ears as he landed on the titan’s wrist, too fast to be swung off. He used the force of the throw to move behind it and shoot the ODM into its nape. He went for the decisive cut, lodging both blades into its neck and using the force of speed to chop the flesh off. 

“What the?” The blades didn’t move. They stayed deeply rooted into steaming flesh, his arms unable to cut through it. He only had a moment to look at Erwin’s wide eyes, before the titan’s hand came swatting at him and grabbed his entire body into one firm hold. It squeezed until he heard a scream he didn’t realise was his own, his torso paralysed with pain. 

The shooting of a smoke gun deafened him, red colours painting the skyline as he tried to kick his legs free, arms flailing to reach for his knife in his boot as the whirring sound of two ODMs reached his dulled senses. 

It only lasted for a few seconds, Erwin was in the air and Mike was on the titan’s arm for distraction. The titan fell down with a grunt, its hand falling open and releasing Levi from its crushing grip. Galloping horses rounded him and only then did it register that the red smoke signal was his fault. 

“Captain!” Eren jumped off his horse, but Erwin closed the distance between them before he could reach Levi. 

“I told you to avoid combat. Now your horse is gone and we need to retreat to the walls.” Erwin’s tone remained quiet with an irritation that only Levi could decipher. “You broke anything?” He held his arm out and the younger glared. He pushed himself to his feet in spite of the cutting pain in his ribs. 

“Fuck you, Erwin.” He walked to the evaporating titan and pulled his blades out. “Mike would had been turned into titan food if I had sat there listening to your no combat nonsense.” 

Everyone stared quietly as the tension between the two leading figures grew. “I didn’t want you to combat because I knew you wouldn’t be able to.” 

“Huh?” Levi threw his weapons down again and closed in on Erwin. “What was that? I could pulverise that thick skull of yours at any moment, Erwin Smith.” 

Erwin chuckled, towering over Levi’s form. “Not like this, I’m afraid.” He grabbed the younger’s wrist in a painful grip. “Fall back. Retreat.” His smooth tone turned openly menacing, making Levi scoff. 

“Eat shit.” He lifted his leg, aiming to kick Erwin in the gut, only for his ankle to be grabbed and twisted, making Levi’s balance go off. Erwin grabbed his arm and twisted him around, his small chest thudding against the grass as Erwin’s boot pressed painfully between his shoulder blades, a vicious reminder of their first meeting. 

“Erwin.” Hanji jumped off her horse and grabbed the commander’s shoulder. “Enough.” 

Erwin gave her a long look. He lifted his leg off and turned to his horse. “He has a couple of broken ribs. We retreat.” 

Levi knelt in the middle of the field, wiping his scraped cheek with the back of his hand. He glared at Hanji when she helped him up, but didn’t try to stop her. They rode back on her horse, the ache in his body a dull reminder of his recklessness. 

They spent the next hour or so after they returned in the infirmary, a doctor examining his bones and marking two broken ribs. He cursed Erwin in his head and how right he always was. Hanji was accompanying him, by his own request, since he downright refused Erwin’s help in his current situation. He spent the day away completing reports, irritation making his hand shake at his own incompetence of the day. Erwin fucking Smith. He should had killed him when he had the chance-

The door to his room creaked open. He looked up from his report and realised it was nighttime already. Erwin stood by the door, holding a bottle of whiskey in his hand. Levi sighed and propped his elbows on top of the desk, face resting into his palms. “Took you long enough.” 

“Sorry.” The commander’s voice was soft as he approached Levi, rounding in behind his chair to kiss his shoulder and steal a glance at the paper in front of him. “Does it hurt?” 

“Horribly.” Levi murmured, snatching the whiskey bottle from Erwin’s hand and opening it quickly. He threw back a large gulp, a warm hand massaging his shoulder. “I couldn’t even shower.” 

“Now, that’s unlike you.” Erwin cupped his jaw and tilted his head back for a gentle kiss. “Want help with that?” 

“Yeah.” 

Erwin stepped back for Levi, giving him space to manoeuvre around the desk however he wished to. Under normal circumstances, he’d be in Erwin’s arms on their way to the bathroom, but Erwin didn’t wish to cause him any unnecessary pain. Unlike the commander’s room, Levi’s bathroom had a shower instead of a bathtub, the room smaller and modest. Erwin stripped off his clothes first, then helped with his partner’s. After stripping off the bandages, he allowed himself to steal a long glance at his bruised ribcage, swollen and marred where bones had cracked under monstrous pressure. Their eyes locked wordlessly and Levi looked towards his feet, the gentle light of the oil lamp they had carried to the sink bathing them in warm glow. “Could had pierced a lung.” 

“Yes.” Levi admitted apathetically, feeling painfully bare, like his skin clung to his bones. Maybe it did. “I’m cold.”

“Sorry.” Erwin moved past him to let the warm water run. He put his fingertips under the stream and waited until he deemed it warm enough to shower under. He stepped in and held his hand out for Levi, who approached reluctantly and closed his eyes as the warm stream washed down his back. He hung his head against Erwin’s chest and let his surprisingly soft hands take care of him. He always massaged his head when washing his hair, always made sure to rub the tension off the lower part of his spine when he ran his palms down his back. Levi let one arm wrap around his neck, keeping the other lowered as not to strain his ribs. The painkillers they gave him were strong enough to make him drowsy, every pleasant touch receiving a pleased hum. 

After a relatively quick -for Levi standards- shower, they took their time wrapping him up in bandages again, to make sure the bone healed right. Due to their height difference, Levi stood by the bed, between Erwin’s legs, while he sat down and worked the bandage around him. He placed his hands on the commander’s concentrated face, cupping his hollow cheeks and letting his thumbs trace his tense brows. His heart flattered happily when Erwin looked caught off guard, expression softening and letting childlike blue shine through. “Stay.” 

“You need to be able to sleep comfortably with this wound.” Erwin placed his hand against his broken side with outmost gentleness. 

“Hence you staying.” Levi pressed their foreheads together and Erwin sighed in defeat. His strong arms came to wrap around his waist and pull him closer. “I won’t be healed for the next expedition.” 

The regret in Levi’s voice made Erwin frown. “You getting better is our top priority. For the scouts,” he caressed Levi’s cheek, messing with his bothered expression and turning it into a softer one. “And for me.” 

“You’re a sap, Erwin Smith.” With that, Erwin kissed him gently, the soft touch poisoned by fear and desperation, making teeth enter the game. Levi quickly climbed onto his lap, aiming for everything that could had been gone if his recklessness had proven to be fateful. Erwin’s hands cupped the back of his thighs and squeezed, reduced in mass and muscle, yet the difference meant little to him other than subtle worry. Levi bit his full lower lip and tangled his fingers into messy blond hair, relishing the little moan that escaped his commander. Large hands grabbed a handful of his firm ass and the back of his knee, half lifting his body up to bring him against the mattress. Erwin climbed between his scarred knees and pressed down on a bony chest when Levi arched against him, keeping him down to avoid any strain on his progressively blueing side. 

Erwin dipped into his neck, pressing fervent kisses against the pale velvet of his throat and eliciting small reactions that drove him mad with want. A curl of the fingers, a hitch of his breath. He wanted to bare his teeth into his partner and fuck the tension out, give him the fuck their heated argument deserved. Of course, Levi had to come back bruised and broken. His slight bitterness dissolved when deft fingers wrapped around his cock hastily, his eyes met with the impatience of steely grey, a look full of mock apathy. Erwin delved in. He thrusted his hips into his palm and shoved his fingers into Levi’s half-open mouth. The corporal tilted his head back and ran his tongue between long digits, eyes half lidded and staring meekly at the blond. 

Erwin’s wet hand moved down Levi’s body, leaving behind a trail of spit and goosebumps. Levi’s eyes fluttered shut when he felt his long fingers caress up his cleft, teasing his entrance with the tips until he was quivering and gently rocking towards him in anticipation. Mouth hanging open and brows arching, he let out a choked breath, digits finally digging inside him and that hot mouth finding his neck, full of teeth and tongue. Erwin sucked visible bruises where everyone could see, bellow his jaw, over the bump of his neck and over that big vein that became visible when Levi tilted his head to the side and gasped out his name. He fingered him with aim, pressing against his spot and curling his fingers in motions that had the younger clenching his jaw and shuddering with arousal. His tiny hands twisted in the commander’s hair, his cock twitching impatiently against his stomach. “Erwin- hurry up.” 

Erwin let out a rich laugh, brushing his lips against the top of Levi’s cheekbone. “You’re so-“ his train of thought derailed when a hand squeezed the base of his cock, his brows furrowing in return as the playfulness made way for his need to shut Levi’s mouth. 

“Not so tough with a hand around your-“ Erwin placed his hand against Levi’s neck, a heavy, constant, presence as he sunk inside his smaller body, fingers retreating to guide his thick cock inside. Levi whimpered uselessly, baring his teeth at the inevitable sting that characterised sex with Erwin. 

“You’re cuter when you don’t speak.” Erwin smirked and propped himself up on his elbows by the corporal’s head, one of his thumbs resting against his protruding collarbone. His face softened at the vulnerability in his lover’s expression, at the constant rising and falling of his chest, the pants breaking past his teeth-swollen lips. “Does it hurt?” 

“It’s my side.” Levi whispered, eyes fluttering shut when Erwin’s soothing hand found his cheek, bite and edge vanishing at the expanse of his laboured breathing. “Go slow.” 

“Levi, if it hurts to breathe…” Levi hushed him down with his fingertips against his lips. 

“It’s fine, as long as I don’t breathe in too harsh.” Erwin fixed him with an uncertain look, to which Levi responded with a soft kiss. The commander moved one arm underneath the younger’s head and reluctantly agreed. He drew his hips back and guided them back in, building a steady rhythm that would accommodate them both. Levi squeezed him between his knees, wrapped his arm around his neck and pulled him down, forehead to forehead. 

They moved together slowly, soft moans mixing in with their low grunts and huffed breaths. Erwin’s big hand wrapped around Levi’s cock and started stroking him in time with their thrusts, brushing against that spot that made his lover shake. Levi’s eyes fixed into Erwin’s, holding his concentrated gaze as their climax built up, lips slightly ajar and whispering sweet nothings to one another, a side of them that only the other was permitted to see. “Erwin.” Levi’s whimpers were hushed, half obscured by the commanders grunts and sighs. 

“Come for me.” Erwin whispered, peppering his lover’s face with kisses as he picked his pace just enough to make him gasp and grasp harder on his hair, Levi’s hole tightening around him. “That’s it, Levi.” He moaned deeply, unashamedly, and Levi couldn’t tear his eyes from his handsome face even as his pleasure started to melt like hot wax over him. “You’re so good, you feel so good.”

“Erwin,” Levi murmured like a broken record, his body hot with need, just milliseconds away from his orgasm- and then Erwin drove right into him, thick and heavy and so deliciously deep that hot spurts of cum splashed over his chest as he came, his mouth opening in a silent cry and his eyes fluttering shut. Erwin fucked him through it, making his head spin and swim, leaving him to drown in his own incoherency as he built up his own orgasm and came deep inside of Levi. They stayed still, clinging onto each other and taking in weak breaths, face to face, skin to skin. 

Erwin pulled out begrudgingly, tiredness beginning to show in his joints. He sat up, between his lover’s legs, and begun to rub his sore knees, small and bony in his hands. “Alright?” 

“Perfect.” Levi whispered, eyelids heavy and body so wonderfully numb he could doze off any moment. Erwin plopped down by his side, absolutely knackered. Aware that Levi shouldn’t really sleep in any positions other than his back, he reached out and grasped his hand, caressing the back of his palm with his thumb. Sooner than later, he noticed his resting eyelids and his rhythmically falling chest, the tiredness having taken him on the spot. Erwin smiled. He fetched the extra blankets from the closet and draped them over Levi, before joining him under them as well. 

***

Levi rolled out of the duvet, doused in cold sweat and trembling. It had been two weeks since the expedition, his ribs had stopped their monstrous aching. The nosebleeds had increased in frequency, which meant he had ruined at least two perfectly good shirts in moments most unsuspecting. He had lost a good bunch of hair and his skin was sliding into a transparent hue, feeling rough to the touch. His throat felt dry and his lips were chapped, his nails full of white spots. He had a pounding headache and the room spun. Shakily, he pulled himself out of bed. Every muscle in his body ached and the effort to walk to the bathroom and shower seemed far too great. Erwin had left already. With Levi out of commission, there was no reason to wake him at dawn. 

After showering and dressing hastily, he left the room, pulling on an extra layer of apathy to mask his exhaustion. He could hardly concentrate during the meeting of the squad leaders. His head spun with thoughts of lunch, his stomach rumbling loud enough to make his spine rattle. He placed his face into his palm and sighed. Gritting his teeth, he recalled memories long gone. Kuchel, Kenny, the brothel. The bland food Kenny had given him on the brink of perishing, which had, at the time, been mouth watering. A sinister fog covered his rational thoughts, and he found himself scanning the room around him, half expecting to see someone perished sitting across him. 

God, he was so hungry. 

He stayed in his chair, even after the meeting concluded. Erwin looked at him from the large chalkboard and Hanji reached out for his hand, the rest of the council going their ways. He laid his hand down, palm up, and let Hanji feel his pulse, prod around his knuckles, inspect his sickly complexion. His eyes stayed with Erwin, until he rounded the table and he couldn’t follow anymore. He didn’t need to, anyways, his warm hands clasped on his shoulders to signal his presence. 

“Levi.” Hanji and Erwin said in unison, making the person in question groan and hang his head forward. The two looked between each other with a smile, the commander nodding so Hanji could go first.

“Are you about to wish for the impossible?” Levi snarled, already tired by the murmuring and scolding he knew was on the way. 

Hanji ignored him. “Your pulse is so slow.” She observed, leisurely massaging the inside of his palm. “And your skin is cold. Maybe you should see the medic.” 

“And hear what?” Levi rolled his eyes. “He’s going to tell me I’ve lost a fuckton of weight, update my health report, tell me to eat more, send me back here, where there’s shit to eat.” He jerked his hand back, clasping it between his thighs to warm it up. “Everyone in the corps is starving. I am no different.”

“You’re our strongest soldier.” Erwin leaned down and pressed a kiss against Levi’s undercut. “We can request extra supplies from the king.” 

“Like fuck he’ll care.” Levi grumbled and leaned his head back against Erwin’s firm stomach. “You’ve lost weight too, four eyes.” 

“You should see Mikasa.” Hanji sighed, rubbing her eyes, completely exasperated. “She’s as bad as you.” 

“Make the input for her.” He looked into Erwin’s disproving eyes. “Hopefully Kenny croaked.” 

“As if.” Hanji huffed, shoving her chair back and standing. “If anything, he’s stuffing his face with meat in the Interior Police headquarters.” 

“Touché.” Levi clicked his tongue, watching Hanji pick up her papers and folding them to fit her jacket’s pockets.

“Take care, you two.” Hanji waved at them with a wide grin and Levi rolled his eyes fondly at her. Erwin slid in the chair by his side and held his hand. 

“It won’t do if you wake up late and miss breakfast too.” Too preoccupied with tracing the little veins that had become visible in Levi’s hands, he didn’t notice his lover’s brooding gaze.

“This morning,” Levi leaned into his chair’s armrest. “I felt so ill I couldn’t get up, much less care for breakfast.” 

“What did you feel like?” He brought his eyes to Levi’s, sullen and seemingly larger, popping against his protruding cheekbones and sullen cheeks. His lover shrugged and reached out for his hand. 

“Like… like the underground, all over again.” Levi rubbed his eye with his hand, unable to justify his current sentimentality. “All this shit makes me think of Kenny and Kuchel and Isabel and Falco and every other miserable bastard with shit for legs.” 

“I think you need some clean air.” Erwin suggested, knowing better than to prod and poke at his lover’s past. If Levi wanted to talk, he was glad to indulge, but he knew time and place. He held a hand out and Levi took it, ready to follow him outside. They dropped by their rooms to grab some heavy coats. Erwin wrapped his white scarf around Levi’s neck, his small grunt not going amiss. It was cold outside, February unforgiving as ever, but the sun was, at least, high up in the sky, there to warm their skin and caress their cheeks. “Remember your first winter overground?” 

Levi looked up, hands stuffed cosily in his pockets. “I remember the snow.” He kicked a stray rock in front of his feet and watched it bounce against the stove pavement. Kids run past them, energetic and laughing as if nothing had changed, as if things hadn’t taken a sudden turn for the worst last November with inexplicably low temperatures. 

Erwin smiled and glanced around the stone-built houses. “I wish I could still offer new things to you.” 

Levi gave him an accusatory look. “Hey. When you’ve lived underground like a rat things never stop surprising you.” He pulled his hand out of his pocket to tug on the commander’s sleeve. “Plus, you promised me the world beyond the walls.” 

“Did I?” Erwin’s eyes were soft as he grabbed Levi’s hand for a quick kiss to the knuckles. 

Levi smiled and halted his stepping. “You’re a sap, I told you so.” He glanced around, making sure civilians didn’t keep their stern eye on them. “All it takes for commander Smith to crumble is some whiskey and an embrace.” He placed his hand on top of Erwin’s chest, feeling the way it rose and fell. 

“It’s just with you.” He brought his hand down to pat on Levi’s lower back as they resumed walking. “Got any cigarettes?” 

“Huh?” Levi furrowed his brows. “That should be considered a luxury, commander.” He teased, digging through his pocket for a half crushed packet. He pulled out two cigarettes and held one out for Erwin. “You mean to tell me that you don’t get sappy every time you fuck someone else?” 

“I don’t fuck other people,” Erwin corrected, leaning into Levi’s match to light his smoke. “And when I did, I fucked them and that was it.” 

“My bad.” Levi rolled his eyes, fingers twitching in the cold as he filled his lungs with smoke. “You know what I mean.” 

“I do, but you also know that we’ve talked about this a lot.” Erwin gave his lover a sideways glance, taking in his softening expression, strictly glued to the ground. “I don’t see other men.” 

“Or women.” Levi snorted, flicking the ashes off his cigarette. “Commander Smith, great loss to the female population.” 

“Stolen by his corporal.” Erwin chuckled, holding the smoke down for a few seconds. “Want to eat at an inn?” 

“An inn?” Levi pondered, watching by as a man pushed his cart, full of logs for a fireplace. He shuddered as he remembered just how cold he felt. “You know how expensive they are nowadays.” 

“We don’t spend on anything else.” Erwin shrugged, a part of him regretting foregoing leather gloves. He smoked his cigarette faster, eager to shove his hands back into his pockets. “Plus, I’m tired of eating steamed carrots.” 

“Spoiled asshole.” Levi teased, stubbing his cigarette butt in the stone pavement. “Let’s go.” 

***

He remembered his mother, still, pale, sunken, the spitting image of a skeleton that the church forgot to bury. She used to cough, weakly, one sharp inhale of breath would wreck her entire frame. She looked like the bones people spat out after a nurturing chicken meal. God had abandoned both of them in that small, stinking brothel, cold, dying, starving. She hadn’t moved for days, too weak to eat, too weak to sleep. She stared at the ceiling all day. 

Only that it was him looking at the ceiling now, observing the cracks in the wood and the moisture that formulated near the corners. Thick with condensation, room freezing, hair greasy and stomach rumbling, he groaned as a sharp pain squeezed his gut. Erwin had gone on to negotiate with the military police in Stohess District, today marking his third day of absence. Naturally, Levi hadn’t eaten those three days. Illness had bedridden him long before Erwin had gone, but at least, he had been careful to act semi functional around him. Now, he couldn’t get up. He occasionally crawled to the bathroom, weak and pathetic, before he made it back to bed and wrapped himself into a tight cluster of blankets. One glance at the mirror showed him things he hadn’t seen since his mother died. Protruding hipbones, skin stretched like clingfilm against his ribcage, arms stripped of all muscle. He hadn’t had sex with Erwin in God knows how long. He couldn’t even get it up. He wanted to die, yet his stupid survival instinct wacked him across the head whenever he even thought if it. 

Starving in a dark, humid, and cold room. Everything that his life was before Erwin. He would give him a hell of a lecture for not telling anyone once he was back. Levi looked forward to it. 

His eyes threatened to flutter shut, his body aching to numb itself again in order to forget how much it was suffering. A strip of light shook him out of his sleepiness as the door creaked open, his hazy gaze fighting to identify the man at the entranceway. 

“Yo, Levi.” 

Levi screwed his eyes shut. God had to be shitting him. His body, as if kickstarted by pure adrenaline, jerked into a sitting position, all bones and malnourished limbs, just in time to miss a knife aiming for his head, the blade deeply seethed into the wooden wall behind him. “Just what I fucking needed.” He shoved himself off the mattress, scramming to his feet, making a run for the knife on top of the dresser. His knees gave out and his body thudded heavily against the floor, pathetic, unmoving. 

Like his mother. 

Kenny watched his nephew crawl, climb on shaky hands just to fall back down, clad in a white button up that was too long to belong to him. Awash with cold sweat. He had Kuchel’s hollow eyes, her jutting cheekbones, her deathly look. The knife he had pulled out of the wall fell to the floor with a crisp sound, his eyes glued to those toothpick legs, those ghostly hands. He cursed Kuchel in his head. Like this, they looked the same. Two corpses with steely eyes. “You look a state, kid.” He breathed, taking off his hat. “Thought your commander boyfriend would be taking better care of you.” 

As always, Kenny was in one piece. Nourished, top of his game. Levi cursed. “You look great, stuffing your face through the interior police.” He curled onto his side, trying to suppress the tremors that gripped him again. “Starving taxpayers must love it.” 

“I couldn’t care less.” He kicked the door shut behind him. He took a couple of decisive steps to the centre of the room. Levi backed towards the wall with whatever strength he had left. Without waiting for permission, Kenny hooked an arm around his waist and threw him over his shoulder, ignoring the myriad of curses that came flying, or the kick of his skeletal knees. He dumped him on the mattress unceremoniously and stepped back. “Fuck’s sake. I came here to kill you and this is where we are.” He messed his own hair irritably. “Stay put.” 

“As if.” Levi hissed angrily, already trying to gather himself back up. Kenny put his arms against his waist, full of exasperation.

“Want to eat or not?” The older snapped and picked up his knife, seething it in its case. “Stay put.” 

Levi closed his eyes when the door closed again. He was totally hallucinating. He was losing his mind, God was laughing at him. Kenny had not just decided to act like a fatherly figure after years of absence and multiple murder attempts. Erwin ought to be back soon.

“Erwin.” His hand caressed through Levi’s thin hair, warm and gentle. Uncertain. 

Levi opened his weary eyes. The sheer shock of Kenny’s return woke him all over again. He watched cautiously as Kenny set out a foil package, which he opened quickly and settled on the chair next to the bed. Levi’s eyes went wide as saucers at the smell of meat, his body jumping to attention as he hurried into a sitting position. He threw all caution to the wind and grabbed the fork by the container in one hand, a slice of bread in the other. He felt his eyes sting with tears at the first bite of steak, his body so starved that he started wolfing it down like there was no tomorrow, Kenny completely forgotten in the corner of the room. 

Kenny left him to it, instead busied himself with the fireplace in the corner of the room, aware that his nephew wouldn’t be able to light it by himself. He had to give it to that Erwin, all the supplies were carefully stacked by the fireplace, so it made his job relatively easy. “Levi.” He took his flask out of his belt and threw it to the bed. “Drink, it will warm you up.” 

The fork was on the floor, Levi eating with his hands, the container almost empty. He gave Kenny an indignant look and breathed deep, his body suddenly feeling sluggish, properly sluggish, full and warm and buzzing. Kenny made a comment about his poor table manners and helped him up, guiding him to the bathroom and holding him by the arm as he washed his hands, face, then finally his teeth. 

“Why are you doing this?” Levi murmured from his towel, where he had pressed his face, inhaling the scent of freshly washed fabric. Erwin must had changed them before he left. 

“If I killed you looking like that it would leave a bad taste in my mouth.” Kenny declared, guiding his nephew back to bed with a look that told him to stay put. He left him two cups of water on that chair and picked up the empty containers. “I will come back with more food tomorrow. Try not to croak until then.” 

“Yeah.” Levi murmured, pulling his knees to his chest, his hands weak and his gaze hazy. He was entering a state of food coma, he was aware, and for once, it was a welcomed feeling. 

Kenny gave him one last look, his dark eyes fluttering shut and his breath slowing. He waited for a few seconds, making sure that he was asleep- or breathing. He wasn’t sure. “If you died like that, it’d be really fucking lame, Levi.” He turned to the door, wrapped his hand around the knob and left quietly. 

Levi woke up hours later, to a warm hand on his hip and a silky voice that told him to wake up. He curled harder into himself, refusing to let go of sleep’s numbness just yet. Warm lips caressed the side of his head and he stretched his legs out, coming to terms with the fact that Erwin would be making him go down the hall for breakfast. “Can’t you just bring it here?” 

“No.” Erwin smiled gently, soon to press a soft kiss on the inside of Levi’s wrist. “People are beginning to wonder if you’re alive.” 

“I’m not.” Levi finally opened his eyes to a tired Erwin, his hair slightly disheveled and his face pale. He slowly sat up, the shirt he had very obviously stolen from him keeping a pleasant warmth around his shoulders. “You should had spent the night is Stohess.” He pressed his face into his partner’s shoulder, groggy with sleep. “You look abysmal.” 

“I couldn’t stand another night with the military police.” Erwin let out a soft laugh, his arm hanging loosely from his partner’s waist. “Come on, get dressed.” 

“Fine.” Levi bit his shoulder gently, a small gesture of hate, as he told himself. He slowly stood, holding on from the bedside table, then from the wall. Erwin’s eyes were glued to his thighs, to the way he could probably close his hands around each of them. Levi pulled on his black denim trousers, then went for a white turtleneck sweater that Erwin got him the previous Christmas. It was cheesy and horrible, but it was warm. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, and in a few minutes, he slipped into his shoes, ready to follow the older to the halls. 

Levi almost rolled his eyes at his plate, his glare so hard it could pierce through cheap porcelain. Stale bread dipped in water with sugar on top. Again. Watery tea, again. He wasn’t even sure why he bothered waking up. Annoyed, he grabbed the slice and started chewing down on it, trying to fool himself into thinking this bread wasn’t three days old and probably somebody else’s leftover. The thought of it made him shudder unpleasantly. 

He threw Erwin a side look, who failed miserably at keeping a straight face as he ate the very same breakfast that they’d been treated with for months. Levi chewed it quickly and swallowed it without further taste, washing it down with tea. Tea, that they had plenty. It kicked started them into work, suppressed hunger pains, probably pierced their stomach in the process, but it helped them get by. “Kenny came yesterday.” 

Erwin choked on the last bits of his breakfast, which had Levi smirking at the misery of having to re-chew that. “What? Here?” 

“What do you think?” Levi crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “He’s with the Interior Police, he gets anywhere he wants.” 

“What did he want?” Erwin turned to face Levi, brows tense with concern. 

Levi shrugged. “Beats me.” He stared hard at his knees, the experience puzzling. “He tried to kill me, but that’s not the concerning part.” He could still remember the scent of meat, the taste of food rich in flavour. “He brought me food. Good food, meat.” 

Erwin stared blankly at him, then threw his own plate a resentful look. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t.” 

“Bit late to be playing parental figure.” Levi swirled his tea around his cup. “He said he’d come back.” 

“Keep an eye on him. This could be to our benefit.” Erwin added a sugar cube to his drink. “You’re in no place to be turning down Interior Police meals.” 

Levi grit his teeth and nodded. Erwin was right. He was always right. 

***

Two weeks later, it snowed. It was proper snow, thick enough to dip your foot in and have your ankle freezing. Levi and Erwin went outside, as they did whenever it snowed, a reminiscent of the first time they kissed, of Levi’s starry eyes at the sight of endless white, of falling snowflakes and bitter skies. Erwin had put his scarf around him and kissed him full on the lips, the tension that had been brewing between them leaving no room for doubt. Levi had wrapped his arms around his neck and they melted into each other, heavy military coats and leather gloves caressing at the nape, at the waist, winter boots keeping their feet warm buried in soft white. 

Now they sat at their windowsill, legs hanging out, finishing up one of Erwin’s last whiskey bottles. Levi was tightly pressed against his side, their bodies cramming together for warmth and comfort, stupid white sweater having become a staple of Levi’s winter looks. Kenny had kept to his promise, bringing back a share of military police food every day, which Erwin calmly abstained from unless there was some food Levi absolutely despised, like leek. He had put on some weight, finally, his legs looking less like toothpicks and more like what they were: malnourished human limbs. They could carry him around again. Rich food and the abundance of alcohol slow winter guaranteed gave back some of his colour. 

Mikasa had also been getting better, with each member of her squad offering her a small portion of their meal every time, essentially creating a second plate for her. It had put Levi’s mind at ease and he could eat Kenny’s food without feeling horrible about it. 

“Is this the last cigarette?” Levi murmured, watching Erwin fish out the basically empty pack that had served them for two months. 

“Mhm.” Erwin placed it between his lips to light with a match, taking the first hit to guarantee it wouldn’t go out. Then he passed it to Levi, who inhaled thankfully, nicotine offering his head a moment of dulled calm. “You can harass some merchant for a good deal.”

Levi rolled his eyes and crossed his ankles, passing the cigarette to Erwin. “I’m not giving you any.” 

“Horrible.” Erwin brushed his lips against the spot behind Levi’s ear. “You’re a selfish man.” 

“That’s right. Cigarettes are mine and so are you, Erwin Smith.” He turned his head quickly to catch Erwin’s lips in a hasty kiss, thriving off his stupid grin. The commander put a hand on his nape and held his head in place, paying him back with a firmer kiss, cigarette burning between his fingers. “Oi.” Levi grunted, pushing at Erwin’s chest. “If you’re going to waste the cigarette then don’t light it.” He grabbed it from his lover’s hand and took a hit, almost smoking it down to the bud, and returned to his lips, sharing the smoke between them. 

Erwin placed his hand on Levi’s thigh and squeezed, his chest fuzzy with excitement at the fact that there was something to grab onto again. Levi crossed his legs and Erwin slid his hand up his hip, faces breaking apart so he could lean into his neck and bite into his cold-prickled skin. 

Levi threw the cigarette bud out and grabbed Erwin’s hand. “I’m freezing my balls off.” 

“Romantic.” Erwin rolled his eyes and swung his leg over to the inside of the room. He stood and held a hand out, helping Levi back in and closing the window behind them. The younger put another log into the fireplace and knelt down, shrugging his jacket off to warm himself quicker. Erwin stalked off to the kitchenette to make tea, coming back a few minutes later with Levi’s favourite cups. 

“Thanks.” Levi smiled sheepishly, curling into Erwin’s side, simply watching the flames flicker as the commander went through some papers he had previously abandoned on the bed. 

They ended up taking their time on the carpeted floor, empty mugs discarded to the side. Levi had slowly crumpled to the floor, until his head found Erwin’s strong thigh that he more than often used as a pillow. The warmth of the fireplace licked at his face, the steady breathing of Erwin making him drowsy. Long fingers curled into his hair and he sighed pleasantly, eyelids fluttering shut. Inner turmoil swirled in his chest, the comfort of lessened chest pains and limbs that weren’t constantly hurting had become unfamiliar. “Thank you for not leaving me.” 

Erwin’s movements halted, and so did his breathing, for a moment or so. Then he sighed. “I wouldn’t.” He slid his hand around Levi’s neck, gently cupping it from behind. “This isn’t the first time.” 

“It wasn’t half bad when I first joined.” Levi argued, his brows tensing with memories of Isabel and Farlan. He tried to push them back out. He had been underweight, yes, but nowhere near as severely and it had been way easier to fix. 

Erwin laughed heartily. “No, it wasn’t. Your attitude was the real issue.” Levi tilted his head and threw him a glare. “If I thought it was worth it then, I think it’s worth it now too.” 

Levi wanted to call him a sap again, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He pressed a firm kiss against Erwin’s knee, full of adoration. “Thank you.” He wanted to say I love you, but he knew he didn’t have to, he knew Erwin understood by the kiss on the back of his head. 

“I love you.” Erwin didn’t expect a return, he didn’t need one. Just having Levi in his arms, showing him trust and affection spoke volumes. And yes, he had given him a massive scare these months, but Erwin knew, somehow, how to stay composed all the way through it, because Levi wasn’t weak and fickle. He was small, even more so now, but he was wildfire, strong and unyielding. 

Levi pressed Erwin’s hand against his beating heart and drew his knees to his chest, eyes closed and ears focusing on his lover’s breathing and the crackling of fire. He loved Erwin too.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this piece that i totally came up with while dicking around during christmas. i would love to hear your thoughts! this is my first fic for this fandom but i just love eruris so much 😔


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